“I’m sorry for what I did, I did what my body told me to.” – Weezer,
Butterfly, a song (probably) written about Endless Shrimp.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year: Endless Shrimp at
A couple weeks ago, I walked the hallowed halls of Red
Lobster in downtown Toronto. I made some mistakes. OK, I made a lot of
mistakes. I let the shrimp win.
Last night, I went back for round two. But this time, I was ready. With some expert advice from my co-workers, a heightened sense of self and a wonderful waitress named Laura to guide me, I made it through Endless Shrimp and lived to tell the tale.
And you can too. It’s hard, but it’s not impossible. Below, I’ve rounded up the biggest mistakes I made and how you can learn from them. You can thank me later – preferably with the Cheddar Bay Biscuits you didn’t eat.
You can’t. And that is the problem.
Mistake: Filling up
This is your first test. There are going to be biscuits, and
they are going to be delicious, and they are going to be never-ending. Do not
let the biscuits win. Try to limit yourself to one. OK, two. Don’t take the
third one. You’ll regret it.
Mistake: Filling up
The sides offered along with Endless Shrimp are a cruel ploy
to fill you up before you feast. Forego both the rice and potatoes. If you’re anything like me, you probably need the salad
to avoid scurvy, so don’t skip that.
with the Shrimp Alfredo
The Shrimp Alfredo is my favourite dish from Red Lobster, so
naturally, I ordered it first. Big mistake. It may be one of the most delicious
shrimp selections on the menu but it’s probably also the most filling. While
your heart may say go forth with the Alfredo, don’t do it. To maximize shrimp
consumed, leave it until the end.
ordering Endless Shrimp
This blew my mind.
The second time around, our waitress revealed to us that we didn’t all have to
order Endless Shrimp. She suggested two of the four people in attendance get
the Endless Shrimp, and the other two get a different dinner – and we could all
share. Variety! As long as the dishes ordered are around the same price as
Endless Shrimp ($21.99 here in Canada), you should be good – but double check
with your waitress to be sure.
Mistake: Sticking to
The current Endless Shrimp menu includes Pineapple Habanero
Coconut Bites, Teriyaki Grilled Shrimp, Hand Breaded Shrimp, Shrimp Linguini
Alfredo and Garlic Shrimp. But wait, there’s more! Basically, between my
intensive research (on Reddit, mostly) and in the field detective work, I have
found that there are more options: you just have to know to ask for them. You can also get Grilled Shrimp and Popcorn Shrimp, which is kind of the best if you’re going for number of shrimp eaten (FYI, you
apparently need to eat 100 shrimp to make Red Lobster lose money). Laura also brought us some kind of tempura-style shrimp. I’m pretty sure she was actually an angel.
Mistake: Getting the aforementioned Pineapple Habanero
They’re… not good.
There’s no time for drinking or socializing! You’ve got a
job to do!
Mistake: Not taking a trophy (leftovers) home
Tapped out? Not to worry. Most servers will let you take your leftover shrimp home (if you, unlike me, felt like you could ever eat shrimp again). For best results, stick to the grilled options – breaded shrimp doesn’t look so good the morning after.
Mistake: Trying to be
I’m sorry, but what about ENDLESS SHRIMP did you think would
not be heart attack inducing? If you’re trying to stick to a meal plan or
follow any kind of dietary restraints, carry on. This is not the place for you.